CPS

I'm pretty sure CPS (Child Protective Services) would not be fond of this photo. I fell asleep and slid down the pillow mom was sitting next to, and she didn't save me! Instead, she told dad to take a picture! I was pretty comfy though. I tend to be fairly mellow as long as I'm full. 

Oh! And they dressed me in boy clothes! A recycled Mickey Mouse onesie?! They can not be serious! Just wait till high school, when I'm super fashionable and demand a weekly stipend for shoes and dresses! 

Music.

I will only fall asleep to certain music groups AND only if dad is the one singing to me. Grandpa came over today, and his calm voice and half hearted attempts at soothing me by speaking in Hungarian just sort of annoyed me. So I screamed. For like 26 minutes straight. 

Please send me the following cassette tapes by the following bands/people:

The Beatles

CCR

Vanilla Ice 

Thank you. 

Big day out.

So today we all went to the US Embassy to get my passport and social security card issued. I threw sort of a fit because the rents put me in this baby car seat, but I survived despite my hysterics. They approved my paperwork, so I should be an official citizen by the end of the week (even though it would take dad like 10 years +). That's right, you're looking at a dual citizen, my friends! Woot! 'Merica! 

I'm exhausted from the big outing...please ignore the milk on my chin. 

Jeeze Dad!

This is NOT how you are supposed to burp a baby! Good lord, it looks like you just had a kid three weeks ago and you have no idea what you're doing! Oh wait...

Thankfully, mom saved me after she stopped laughing. Rude. Then when I voiced my opinion about being manhandled and my mental hospital-like outfit, she said I was being dramatic. Whatever...I am not. 

Strange positions I like to sleep in.

Revenge is sweet.

I told everyone I'd win. 

Mom gave up and let me sleep in the bed. I'm not a huge fan of my crib after all, and now that I can open my eyes and know what's going on, I'm not going to let them isolate me! 

Don't worry, mom makes sure dad's big butt can't squish me. It's kinda cool, whenever I wake up, she's already waiting with milk! I'm never going back! Hahahahahahaha. 

Perspective.

So I'm going in to the second week of this having a baby stuff, and I'm slowly realizing what exactly I have accomplished this year. I was always a fan of traveling and had dreams of living overseas, but I was pretty sure it would never actually happen. Fast forward, and not only am I living in Europe (albeit, not Paris, like I had hoped), but I had a baby here as well. 

Adjusting to life here wasn't easy, and I can't say that I have mastered it quite yet. I will say that moving was all relative to having a baby in a country where you don't speak the language. I can't say I was fully aware of what I was getting myself into, which made for a much more hectic transition. I can also say that taking the chance, and letting go of what I thought I wanted in life, has been the most rewarding experience I could have ever hoped for. 

With that said, I still don't particularly like Hungary and all of it's senseless bureaucracy, most of which is made up on the spot. I do, however, appreciate it's character, and the fact that the cute little baby sleeping on my lap is half Hungarian. Maybe I'm just annoyed that she'll learn this stupid language far better than I ever will. 

Bath time!

So I ate my heart out ALL night, giving mom about a ten minute break in between fuss sessions. The last feeding netted me a whopping 90 grams of milk, which is about 2-3 ounces. The two pediatricians I saw yesterday said I was perfect, which I already knew, but it was good to hear again. I think I should have been born a Leo like my dad. 

Anyway, the rents are such weenies. They didn't want to wake me up last night in fear of hearing me scream, so they put me to bed without a bath. Unfortunately, I didn't get away with skipping it this morning. I'm getting used to the whole water thing, which is good because I hear they have pretty cool spas here in Budapest. Oh, and when dad turns on the heater while changing and bathing me, I could just die. It's awesome, and I scream just a little less! (Tips to future moms, invest in a small heater.)

I hate to make this short, but I'm hungry again. My horoscope says I'm going to be fat, and I'm starting to think it's right. I'm going to be expensive. 

Oh, and look what dad is doing!! Mom and I couldn't stop laughing. He said he's going to go to the pharmacy and ask if they have hand lotion for cleaning ladies and housewives. He's so funny. 

Life.

So I was thinking (I do that periodically these days)...what's the meaning of life? It can't possibly just be all about breast feeding and pooping in my oversized diapers. 

I'll let you all know when I figure it out. Otherwise, I'll just continue being cute. 

Dad's Futile Attempts.

My poor dad really has no idea what he's doing with me, but he really does try. Last night I wasn't feeling well (I think I'm coming down with a head cold), and dad took over the task of trying to get me to fall asleep. He sang some Beatles songs, along with some Blues stuff, and danced me around the apartment for about 20 minutes. I was out. He's actually not a bad singer in comparison to mom, who should stick to the pluming biz. His only mistake was trying to put me in my crib! No way, dude! 

I love him. 

Exhausted.

I'm not exhausted, mom is. That's why she's lazy and only posting pictures tonight. She got her stitches out today and I was totally bored. Dad wanted me to watch, but I'd rather get my beauty rest. I'm more of a night owl anyway. 

Night vs. Day

This is me just before arising from a night of screaming, clawing and orally assaulting mom. Don't I look well rested?! Mom doesn't quite know how to burp me yet, and after feeding me at 1am, proceeded to roll me off a pillow on to my beautiful face, albeit accidentally. I think I may need a nose job. She won't be winning the mother of the year award anytime soon. 

 

This is what I look like whist napping on mom's lap at 9:42am. Dad just left to go flying, but hopefully he'll be back in time to hear me clear my throat again. Maybe when I'm like one, he'll let me try out for his band. (The current singer sounds like Kermit the Frog.) 

Also, I discovered last night that I do NOT like harmonica all that much. I'm more of a heavy metal girl. 

Things you quickly realize after becoming a mom.

1. You don't mind being woken up at 1am to be assaulted by terds.

2. Showering everyday is a thing of the past.

3. You don't care about getting out of the house.

4. You become acutely more aware of things like smog, germs, dust, and little things floating in the air. 

5. Laundry becomes a priority.

6. There is no amount of physical or mental pain that outweighs seeing your child in pain.

7. You can watch another person sleep for hours and it's far more entertaining than tv.

8. You get annoyed when other people tell you how to parent (even when you've only been doing it a week). 

9. You would literally kill anyone that even accidentally threatens to hurt your child. 

10. You think of someone else 1 trillion times a day.

11. Worrying is your newest hobby, aside from creating milk. 

12. You realize that all the things you thought were important, aren't. 

13. Vacuuming is fun because you know your baby won't be exposed to the dirt anymore. 

14. You all of a sudden love taking pictures. 

15. You can project 20 years into the future, and it's scary.

Public Enemy One: Gas

So yesterday, I was minding my own business and all of a sudden I didn't feel so hot. I think my retard of a mother ate something on the forbidden list, which may have translated to my discomfort. Armature! 

I know they wanted to go to bed around 10ish, but I was determined to keep the whole apartment complex up with my screaming until about 1am. (I'm actually hoping we get evicted. I'm scared of heights and we're on the 7th floor.)

Mom finally sat me up, bounced me around, and made me nauseous enough to stop crying. It's only because I felt like I was going to vomit. 

I slept from 1 to about 6am, and then it started again! I'm putting mom on a diet of noodles and rice! Who does she think she is ingesting dairy!!? 

Anyway, after some serious passing gas, I relaxed and drank a whole six pack of milk. It was a rough day, don't judge me. 

   

Life is way more tolerable after a cocktail or two. 

C-Section Bliss.

So it was never really a question that I needed a c-section at the start of all this pregnancy business. At five weeks I already had a fibroid the size of a tennis ball. Fine. The thought of having contractions for 12+ hours didn't really seem to be my 'thing' anyway to be honest. 

The original surgery was scheduled for the 13th of May. That was 13 days before her intended due date, but made the doctors more comfortable because of the pressure caused by my friend the tumor. Well, we didn't quite make it. 

Monday night we ordered pizza, watched a movie and proceeded to go to bed around 11. I had to use the bathroom about 2 minutes later, per my usual, and came back to bed. 

Um, why am I gushing fluid?! I calmly asked Peter to get me some paper towels because my water had broken. Of course he immediately asked if I was sure I didn't just pee all over myself (because I guess I do that often). 

We called the doctor, packed faster than I have ever packed before, and we were out the door in 10 minutes. We got to the hospital in about 15 minutes and went into the clinic, where there was one nurse on call for the night. She called the on call obstetrician, who was less than friendly, and after examining me said the surgery would be first thing in the morning. Um, excuse me? I thought I had another week! I didn't actually pack my bag with the intention to stay! 

They hooked me up to an IV, shot me full of antibiotics and told me to sleep. Right, piece of cake. Peter got to go to the recovery room to take a nap, which served him well. 

The morning came quickly and in walks my doctor. She said I was the first of the day. 20 minutes, so get ready. At this point I was ready to get the show on the road. 

I walked into the surgery room, got my spinal, which was no problem, and quickly assumed the position. Before I knew it my legs were numb and I was on my way to passing out. My blood pressure dropped significantly because my fibroid was so tenderly pushing on a major artery in my back. After a few slaps by the anesthesiologist, some oxygen, and then some cold water, I was back within a minute or so. I warned the doctors about this before, but what do us crazy patients know about our own bodies?! 

I shockingly felt my feet tingling, which worried me before getting sliced open. Totally normal. They sprayed some areas (legs, stomach, arms) with water to judge my level of sensitivity, and we were on our way. 

The following is a link to the video that Peter took during the surgery. Let me preface it by saying it's semi graphic. We forced Peter's sister to watch it and she was not happy. 

So proceed with caution. 

http://youtu.be/CuOuvyStTSQ

For those of you who don't want to watch me getting stretched and hacked, I will recap the next hour in a few short bullet points. 

-They asked me about 50 times if I felt any pain. Thankfully, I did not.

-I felt really intense pulling and pressure. 

-They said her head was out. 

-I realized I was actually having a baby. 

-I felt someone pushing down from the top of my stomach. 

-They said she was out.

-I heard her cry. 

-Then I cried. 

-They showed me how perfect she was. 

-I cried a little more.

-Dr.Papp asked if I worked out because my abs were so tight as they laid outside of my abdomen. Bonus compliment!! 

-They sewed me up in about 30 minutes. 

The end! Recovery is pending...

I'm sorry, but I could be a model.

Don't let the nano-second of peacefulness in this picture fool you. I was NOT a happy camper, but my parents promised me milk if I cooperated...so I gave in.

I have huge feet, like my mom, which means I will be made fun of for the rest of my life. Ugh, why did she do this to me?!

And, I'm out. Really, I'm pretty laid back compared to most infants. The kid in the next room screamed his head off for three days. What a baby!

Battle lost.

I lost the war. My mom stealthily filled me up with milk and dad finally figured out this ridiculous trick of wrapping me up like a burrito and covering my head. It's so darn cozy I fell asleep instantly. It's ok though, I'm sure I'll find a way to make the first night home is as chaotic as possible. I'm pretty smart already. Don't let my cuteness fool you. 

Hi, my name is Aniston!

And I plan on sleeping ON my parents until I'm 18 because it's really comfy and they are total pushovers! 

I know that they probably can't sleep, but I really don't care. I'm cute, and that outweighs any logic when it comes to their new found enlightenment. 

So happy sleeping to all! It's my favorite thing to do (when I'm not screaming my head off because dad put my diaper on backwards). 

4:30am

It's 4:30am here in Budapest and I just woke up after an actual night of decent sleep. The nurses here take the babies the first night so the parents can get some rest. I was hesitant at first, but it was an excellent decision after a meltdown at about 10pm last night.  Despite waking up and wanting to remove my uterus, and exchange my abdominal muscles, I'm doing pretty well. I can't say the same for my hair. 

Also, as a side note, I love catheters, and may pay off one of the nurses to let me take it home! This was the first night in 9 months I didn't have to get up 15 times. It's the little things...

Admittedly, I lost it last night. She isn't particularly attuned to breast feeding yet, and my god is it frustrating. She gets frustrated too, and screams bloody murder. I did feel better when I heard the same coming from down the hall, but it doesn't change the fact you feel like you're not doing enough. I guess that's motherhood for you. 

Not understanding Hungarian is also pretty frustrating. One minute the nurse is saying something to Peter, and the next, I'm getting a shot or bleeding from an extremity. Turns out, it doesn't quite bother me like it used to, so that's a plus! 

Yes, she looks peaceful now, but blood will be promptly taken at 10am. We will enjoy the last few hours of sanity before mommy and baby both flip out. 

Making a statement.

Well, three weeks before her intended due date, and one week before our scheduled c-section, miss Aniston Kate Ács decided to break my water and get the show on the road. We got to the hospital at midnight, and went into surgery at 8:45am. She was born 8:59 am here in Budapest, which actually made it 11:59pm, May 6th back in San Diego. I guess she'll have two birthdays. She was 5 pounds 8 ounces, and 21.5" long. She has big feet and a working set of lungs, which we got to experience over and over again! 

I feel shockingly good after almost passing out during surgery. The anesthesiologist slapped me and put cold water on my face, which made me get my act together. Turns out fibroids can kill a good time pretty quickly. 

I'm walking, eating and ready to party!