Excuse us...

While we eat our Mont d’Or cheese for the third time this week! I know...my arteries may not appreciate it. 

Wine, garlic, cheese and baguette...

Also, we haven’t eaten meat in a whole two weeks. Well mom hasn’t. Apu ran out and ate the biggest steak he could find in Dallas. 

Texan Specialities

On the way to ballet last week, mom forced us to take the metro.  She's not a huge fan of the metro, mainly because it tends to be a little too hectic with two toddlers, a stroller, a scooter, snacks, winter coats, French dog poo (which is like actually a thing here), and missing metro tickets. But, it was cold. Let's not forget mom is from San Diego.

The metro was packed as usual. Mom signed me up for the one class across town during rush hour. Genius. When we finally came up for air, I realized my pink "real tree" camouflage reindeer was gone.  In my usual fashion, I proceeded to lose my mind, screaming with horror and disappointment.

Thankfully, within 10 seconds, mom realized apu was in Dallas, staying about a 30 second walk from the world famous Bass Pro Shop, the one place you can buy guns, crossbows, deer mating whistles, hog pheromones, tractors, and fishbait, and where all the baby reindeers are born. She made a quick call, and by the end of ballet class...



Mom tried to explain to me that things like this NEVER happen and that it was like a one in a million chance that apu was in the exact and ONLY place in the world where you can find camo stuffed animals.  And Pompom got one out of the deal too.

Let's put this all in to perspective. Apu had to lose his job to be in Dallas on THAT day...meaning it was all worth it.

Dad fail #6836

My sincere apologies for my lack of appearances of late. It’s hard to get mom to sit down and be my scribe now that she’s working so much as a real life writer...go figure.

So there are a few funny stories to tell from recent months...but let’s start with the best one.

We went to Budapest for Christmas, and of course, it wouldn’t be complete without a tragically funny run in with a very demented universe.

Thankfully, this Christmas it didn't involve a HUGE family fight on the beaches of Dubai (yes, that happened Christmas 2014, I believe it was about me eating too much fruit).

Anywho...

We spent the first two nights at nagypapas and nagymamas (grandma and grandpa's, for the non-Hungarian speakers in the audience), sans incident. Mom and apu (aka daddy-o) slept in their usual room across the hall, and Pompom and I in the designated kids room. That changed on day three when Aunt S, baby V and daddy G arrived. They took mom and apu’s room because there was more room for baby V's crib...forever shifting the dynamics of early morning hysteria.

Apu: “Just wait, Pompom will wake up at 2am and go into the wrong room!”

Mom: “No, it’s fine, I showed her that we moved into this room!”

1:59am (LITERALLY, mom looked at the clock): Commence total s#~!show.

Mom heard the tiny footsteps outside in the room and went into full panic mode. Due to the fact it was pitch black, and mom wasn’t wearing pants, things got ugly...fast.

“Where is the light!?!!! Get up, Apu! Pompom, come in THIS bedroom!!” in a screaming whisper!

Apu's snores continued. Pompom's baby whimpers got louder.

BAM. Toe number one, busted.

In her desperate attempt not to embarrass herself in front of her new family members (who live in Vienna, where everyone is basically royalty), mom proceeded to cuss and shuffle around aimlessly for ANOTHER 10 seconds, in her feble attempts to find her pants. Nope. Not in the cards.

Pompom’s crying started moving down the hall and mom’s heart started racing even faster, but she was NOT going out without her Lululemon. They are black, by the way, which didn't help.

Proceed directly to Mach 3.

Mother universe then decided to collide in one epic moment...

In the same millisecond, mom found the brightest light in the house, Pompom discovered the man coming out of the original room was NOT a Hungarian (and screeched a cry unknown to earthlings), and the actual Hungarian ran out of the room like an Olympic triathlete (with NOT one item of clothing on...except his Buddha tattoo).

Apu proceeded to meet both Pompom and his new brother in law, buck naked (yes, it's a word European friends), at 2:00am...on the DOT.

Let’s just say...breakfast the next morning was slightly awkward. And now so is this blog because you know way too much...

Your assumptions are correct, we all hate pants.

Cheers!