Piece by Piece.

Mom didn't really understand the meaning of love (and pain) until I showed up.  Like, at all.  Well, with Pompom too obviously, but I was the first one so I'm extra special (and extra loud, if that matters).  She never understood the mind and body's capacity to love another human being, but when our cheeks first touched (after we begrudgingly came out), she was done.  She can still feel it she says (but maybe she's just loosing her mind)...

The depth of emotion, in both directions, is literally indescribable in words...so the first week after I was born, she just cried. A LOT.

What IS love anyway? "A profound tender, passionate affection for another person?" Or maybe, "a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child or friend?"  My personal definition??? Hum...

I'd go with...feeling as if every part of your soul connects with another soul (whatever that soul occupies), that can be felt as timeless and unconditional...almost not of this physical world. The REAL love anyway...not just the word people tend to throw around these days and think they understand. You KNOW.

Wow, mom IS lucky!!! She loves a few people that much!

Things also didn't really come into perspective about her own life, upbringing, until Pompom and I made our entrance...or her appreciation for picking a pretty decent Apu for us...and it WAS a choice. Good call, mom.

Mom thinks it is pretty darn cool to see how things SHOULD have been growing up because of Apu. And thankful too. Some people just don't get "it" and that's OK.  Really, it IS ok. No hard feelings.

This was a really, really good explanation of her feelings in song she came across thanks to another mama that has a very similar relationship with her husband and five beautiful children (and totally gets "it"), so she figure she would share it with her readers.  Cheers.

Watch Out John Travolta!!

Seriously, I can not WAIT to go to school and go to dances all the time! Cousin R invited us to her Sock Hop dance (think the movie Grease), last night, and it was probably the most fun I've ever had. EVER. Like, in my entire life.

Mom was a little worried at first, given that I'm VERY much like her.  Would I sit back and just watch?  Get overwhelmed by all the kids?  Hide behind mom's leg like in most social situations I encounter?! HECK NO!

So, a little background. Mom isn't antisocial per say, she's just cautious. She tends to sit back and watch, evaluate and then make her move. Except in one situation. Dancing.  Really, ask the cowboys at Incahoots. She's been known to shake her booty on the dance floor more than a few times, and it turns out the apple really doesn't fall from the tree. As soon as I heard the music, I proceeded to literally dance circles around ALL the other kids, as seen here!

I twirled, jumped, skipped, screeched in excitement, and then collapsed at 7:30 (read: bedtime).  All the parents commented on how cute I was and how I should apply for Dancing with the Stars.  Humility aside, I agree 100%.

So not only did we have a BLAST (as seen here), I danced with mom (who's rhythm is questionable now that she's a parent) and Pompom, and ALL my new friends at elementary school.  Needless to say, I slept in this morning. Best. Night. EVER.  Mom is now completely worried about sending me off to school in a few years.

A rare sighting!!

Mom and dad actually PAID (something mom doesn't know much about in regards to her own photography business) to have pictures taken. 

As you can see, mom prefers to be behind the camera, or her hair.

But she thought this one was semi acceptable! 

The Oscar Surprise

Thanks to a few rich people, and one in particular (that may or may not have stared in the movie, Titanic) Apu got to come home for a day! 

He rented a car (after flying for six hours from NY), drove in LA traffic, and showed up at 9pm...just to hang out with us for today! And I was SO excited!! Pompom also started jumping up and down when she saw him! We finally will get a decent breakfast! Thank GOD! 

We also took a little trip to Coronado...

Mom will never get tired of this view...

The beautiful ants.

We do actually miss Apu a lot, and although it's never easy when he leaves, it does get slightly easier with every day that passes. 

Today we hit the zoo, AGAIN. We mainly go for the nice playground and bug exhibit (don't ask). 

Mom has a love hate relationship with these establishments. On the one hand, it gets her out of the house and guarantees a nap, but on the other, it's so sad to see these animals in tiny little enclosures week after week. You can just tell it they don't belong there, being pointed at by people who seem to think they have conquered the world. And it makes her stomach turn that her yearly pass is contributing to this perpetual not-niceness. 

The fact is, everyone/thing deserves to live their lives freely...even the long legged flamingos, hairy tarantulas and all the beautiful ants (that I watched for a good ten minutes today). 

It made mom think of her ALL TIME favorite book, Ishmael, by Daniel Quinn. It was assigned in her last class of graduate school...the ONLY class worth taking in hindsight, but that's another blog. 

"Any species that exempts itself from the rules of competition ends up destroying the community in order to support its own expansion."

If you choose to only read one more book in life time, you may want to pick this up. 

Mom's sincere apology.

To her followers, one in particular, for not being in touch. Days tend to fly by now that everyone has their own very distinct personalities, and 7pm comes all too quickly! Turns out, mom is pretty exhausted by that time too, so she's getting plenty of beauty sleep...not that you can tell. 

I have been keeping everyone busy, but we promise to visit soon! In other news, I also got taken out by a wave...a big one...and I was scared! Thankfully, mom grabbed my wrist and saved me from the worst of it. I survived, minus my PTSD. 

But as you can see, it was short lived. And now, we sleep! 

Lata, dude.

The first week Apu was home was a blur thanks to Pompom's cancer diagnosis and subsequent remission (hummmm...is there some wood to knock on around here)? Anywho, our two weeks (well, really 17.5 days to be exact), has quickly come to a screeching hault. We dropped him off at the airport and now mom needs to calm down because she's really sad. But it's ok, I have given her extra hugs and Pompom licked an ice cream and made her laugh. As seen here.

But he had to rub it in that he had Phil's BBQ without us. Not cool, Apu.

The little things.

Like playing at the park and stuffing ourselves with rolled tacos and carne asada.

I'm loud!

You know you've conquered childhood when you overhear your neighbor (talking to your other neighbor across the street) after you scream at the top of your lungs,  say, "oh my god, that's the LOUDEST kid I've ever heard..." 

It feels good to be a gansta.

My parents don't know whether to be mortified or proud! 

Blessed

Mom HATES the word "blessed." Like, hates, hates it. Ok, before you start judging her cold, dead soul, listen to the explanation...

"Blessed," is being slightly overused in really disingenuous ways.  For example, "you're so blessed  to have such a wonderful life." Ok, no one has ever actually said this...it's all hypothetical. 

And she understands what they mean...but it just doesn't sit well with her. 

"Blessed," in mom's world, assumes that there's some higher power that has granted her a wish from their magic lamp.  Turns out, after some reflection, that mom has had to make some REALLY tough decisions in her life that have all led her to where she currently finds herself.

She CHOSE to marry apu, instead of the hot Coast Guard boat guy (what a disaster that would have been...no offense, boat guy). She CHOSE to deal with some personal issues that have allowed her to form a decent relationship with herself and those around her, and she has CHOSEN to eliminate those who aren't good for cultivating positivity. She's also a raging spiritual atheist who doesn't exactly believe there's some dude in the sky pulling strings and leading people to do certain things...so no need to "pray" for her. 

More along these lines...

BUT, as luck would have it, on the way home from the hospital, a song came on the radio and in mom's moment of weakness (no sleep, no coffee, and no defense mechanisms functioning), she broke down and the tears started to flow....which probably wouldn't have happened if Ke$ha had started singing TikTok (don't click here if you are expecting to hear good music).

Instead....
_____________________________

I get kissed by the sun each morning (when she's in San Diego)
Put my feet on a hardwood floor (a cold hardwood floor)
I get to hear my children laughing (or screaming)
Down the hall through the bedroom door
Sometimes I sit on my front porch swing (or the couch in front of the tv)
Just soaking up the day
I think to myself, I think to myself
This world is a beautiful place (it really freaking is a beautiful place)

I have been blessed (or she is just ridiculously lucky)
And I feel like I've found my way (FINALLY!)
I thank God for all I've been given (or Buddha or Allah, or herself)
At the end of every day (or when she remembers)
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve (SO TRUE)
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts (that's an understatement)
I have been blessed

Across a crowded room (or the living room)
I know you know what I'm thinking (usually something totally bizarre and sarcastic)
By the way I look at you
And when we're lying in the quiet (unless Apu is snoring)
And no words have to be said
I think to myself, I think to myself
This love is a beautiful gift (or a curse)

I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way (I think)
I thank God for all I've been given (or the Universe)
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed

When I'm singing my kids to sleep (or telling us a really dumb story because mom is not creative)
When I feel you holding me (or making fun of mom)
I know...

I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones
That love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed
_______________________________

Here's that video if you're interested.

SOOOOOO...it turns out, maybe she's a little "blessed," or whatever the hell doesn't sound cheesy and annoying. She just feels REALLY lucky that she has some pretty amazing people in her life, gets to travel around and everyone is healthy today...

The sepsis panic attack...

The mind.

What a powerful critter. 

Last week, at 1am, mom woke up and couldn't fall back asleep. She grabbed her phone to do a little secret bed Googling in the dark (because that's ALWAYS a good idea)! 

Rewind...

The Saturday before Apu got came back to San Diego, mom decided to straighten her crazy mom hair. She whipped out her trusty hair straightener to transform her Medusa dread locks, into beautiful flowing mermaid hair.    

See below...seriously, it looked this amazing. 

Whilst in the midst of her sea creature transformation, duty called (meaning me, as I demanded a kakao).

On the way back to the bathroom, she heard a thump and screech from innocent baby Pompom. Nothing new...as in I'm usually poking, dragging, licking or otherwise harassing my little sis. 

She turned the corner to see her hot straightener next to Pompom's foot. She didn't think much of it (wishful thinking) until she discovered a blistered burn on her itty bitty toe a day later. Mom fail 735,848. 

Fast forward to back to Pompom's relentless fever and mom's genius idea to Google high fevers and infections in the middle of the night, while working on about 2.5 brain cells...

Ta-dah! SEPSIS. 

So in a panic, mom woke Apu from his peaceful slumber to have a conference. Dr. Apu, with his infinite medical knowledge, mentioned that Pompom's little toe DID look a bit infected. 

Commence, panic attack DEFCON THREE.

The day before aforementioned panic attack, the urgent care doctor called mom to follow up on how things were going...on her personal cell phone. 

*Note to future physicians...block your number. 

So mom promptly called her at 8am, ON HER DAY OFF, while she was taking her children to school and proceeded to freak her out too. 

Secondary note to future physicians...don't listen to crazy mother's who have ZERO medical background other than a useless degree in counseling and nimble Googling fingers. Mom proceeded to completely convince this sweet doctor that Brooklyn was on her death bed. Off they went...straight to Children's Hospital.    

This, my friends, is how the mind can lead to totally unnecessary hysteria, two days in the hospital, and a bill equivalent to a brand new Mercedes. 

So, today's lesson(s)...

1. Charge your cell phone in another room, 

2. Read a book if you can't fall asleep, 

3. AND learn to accept your new mom hair with all of its' kinks, frizz and imperfections. 

The C Word

After a pretty nasty fever (103ish for over 48 hours), the parents decided to take Pompom to Urgent Care and get her checked out. No big deal (minus a little mom guilt), but she was diagnosed with a UTI and received a prescription for some strawberry antibiotics (naturally flavored, I'm sure). Two days later, she had another fever and was pretty lethargic, so the decision was made to take her to Rady's Children's Hospital for some blood work. At this point, mom hasn't slept for a week or so, thanks to these persistently high fevers.

The doctor's in the ER decided to run a few tests and jumped on giving her some IV fluids and enough antibiotics to wipe out a small village of germs. Not that this all wasn't bad enough, but they subjected mom to watching American Idol.

As the labs started to trickle in, the resident physician came in to tell us the results. He said Pompom's labs were pretty abnormal in Neutrophils (surprisingly low), high in Lymphocytes, and a low WBC which is extremely rare in the case of a simple bacterial UTI being treated with an antibiotic.

A little lesson: Neutrophils are one of the first white blood cells to respond to invaders.   

Super Nice Passive Resident: Are there any more questions you have?

Mom: Yes. So if it's not a UTI causing this, then what?

SNPR: Uh, so, sometimes babies present low Neurtophils when their bodies simply have a hard time fighting off a virus (which is totally normal), but not typically with a bacterial infection (when they should be high), so that has us concerned. She could have a virus too if she's really unlucky, although she's not having other symptoms like a cough or runny nose. 

Mom: Ok, but what if it's not a virus?

SNPR: (Insert dodgy eyes) Well, we'll have to reevaluate but the next step may be a bone marrow biopsy after a few more blood tests, it could be Neutropenia, which can be indicative of certain diseases. 

Mom: FUCK. (Sorry great-grandma, but just tying to give everyone the full picture.)

SNPR: Uh, sorry, did I just say too much? 

Mom: No. I asked. 

SNPR: Ok, gotta go!!! (Not really, but mom sort of had tunnel vision after "bone marrow biopsy.") 

Turns out, mom is no medical genius, but she knows her stuff about cancer oddly (thank you, Facebook). And then she remembered!!! THE STICKERS (see here)! They surely caused this cancer! (Ok, don't judge her stupidity...she wasn't of sound mind.)

As mom's stomach started churning, the attending physician came in to follow-up on how things were going.

Super Attractive Attending: "Hi. So her blood work came back really abnormal for a UTI and that's pretty concerning. At best it could be a co-occurring virus, or at worst, the C word/Leukemia (insert fake sad face). It's pretty rare, but I have to mention all possibilities."

Mom: "I'm going to vomit."

SAA: "Can I get you a trash can or Gatorade?" 

Mom: "Uh, no."

SAA: "Ok, hang in there."

By this point, mom could barely see, speak, hear or breathe. The alarm starting going off on the IV and mom didn't realize this until the nurse came in and shut it off. Of course, in her mind (the ever positive thinker she is), she assumed the worst.

She started shaking uncontrollably (like, couldn't hold the phone to call Apu). But no tears...just shock and fear (thank you, Google).

Pretty funny how one THOUGHT can flood your body. Cortisol and Adrenaline  are pretty powerful chemicals apparently. Between her heart racing, stomach flipping and head spinning, she knows all of her stress faculties are working properly...or she was just hit by a bus. 

BUT, there was a saving grace in all of this. Mom secretly took a picture of Pompom's labs while the SNPR left the room for a phone call. She sent them to Apu who then called our pediatrician in Hungary (thank you, time difference). 

Then this text came: 

Long story, really, really short...

Our pediatrician in Hungary said she had a virus and a UTI, and to go home...or more accurately, "GET HER OUT OF THERE N.O.W!!!" He was almost angry that they were even considering admission. After mom talked extensively to the new attending physician (a really cool, GENUINE lady who treated mom like a real person), she decided to not sign Pompom out and potentially get reported to CPS. 

At 3am, they moved them to a fancy room (read: expensive), to stay the night. 

No sleep (which makes mom delusional on occasion), and a phone call from great-grandma gave mom the confidence that it was time to leave.

And then it happened! Mom noticed a rash on Pompom's back!!!!! It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen...and she's seen some pretty beautiful stuff. 

Namely...

Thanks to me (Popcorn) the parents had already experience Roseola, also known as a "Three Day Fever." Three days of a SUPER high fever, followed by a totally normal day or two, and then a full body rash. She immediately called the nurse and reported her assessment. 

Mystery solved. Pompom is REALLY unlucky, and her parents aren't that dumb after all. Two doctors also asked mom if she had a medical background. Nope, just the motivation to be informed and completely neurotic.

Oh, and then mom remembered it was her 32nd Birthday (thank you again, Facebook). 

Shout out to some of mom's friends (from all over the world), who were supportive (despite her tendencies to be a hypochondriac).

Mom's insightful conclusion...

Holy crap, that was scary and horrible and she hopes she never ever has to feel that scared ever again, AND...

Having babies is the absolute BEST and WORST thing that can happen to a human being. Mom has a few (hundred) new grey hairs and a whole new appreciation for health to welcome her 32nd year of life.

Seriously, she can't even imagine what it must be like to actually hear that your child has cancer. Just complete and utter devastation. She experienced the feeling for almost two hours and it almost killed her. Literally. And that was just knowing it was a possibility!  

A lesson to all of us, but mainly mom...don't stress the small BS stuff you think is important...like not so broken cars (another story), pasteurized vs. unpasteurized milk (yes, that was actually a thing), or who's fighting over the newest stuffed animal. Turns out, nothing is as important as your health and your babies. 

And now, Miss Pompom is on the mend from her UTI and Roseola...and mom will sleep for the next two weeks. Oh wait...

So in hindsight, the only real emergency was that we were out of coffee.

But we do have to follow up with a blood test when we go back home to Budapest. 

***Also, stay tuned...as mom will publish how much this little hiccup will cost us in medical fees...$10k? $15k? She's thinking about starting a pool...