Bag lady status...

Mom has a fear of becoming a bag lady...and I think that's true for many.

It's what she thinks about sometimes in the silence of the night....THE PANIC.  I'm SURE you've never thought about this, right?

This is mom's recurrent fear...

What if apu dies?!! How would she take care of us?! Would she run home or stay in Europe?! COULD she even STAY in Europe? She's not an EU citizen. But could she move back to San Diego...that seems so distant these days!! She's been taking care of us for four years, she has no marketable skills!! WHAT WOULD SHE DO?! Oh MY GOD, all three of us would DIE.

...Her mind again, going CRAZY.  Her inner lizard brain, who's instinct is anticipating fear in order to survive.

The craziest part about this darn lizard brain, that we all have, is this assumption that if you stay afraid, you'll be safe.  Ummm, when has that ever worked??? What if Mr. Lizardo took a vacation??

 

And then she asked herself what makes people successful?

Oprah Winfrey
Taylor Swift (don't judge mom's examples, hear her out)...
Nelson Mandela
Maya Angelou
Apu, the Greateat Aviator of All Time (according to him)

A running theme mom can identify in these people, is authenticity.  All of these people are and were unapologetically themselves.

People connect with one another when they sense genuineness.   These people all drew content/talent/wisdom from within. 

She *thinks,* in order to be successful and make money,  she needs to focus on selling her own joy and emotion. Selling CONNECTION.  Emanating purpose and love. BEING HERSELF.  And not caring ONE hot second about making money or being "successful." 

It's funny, more than a few people have told mom in passing she should write for a living.  She loves it, and she makes herself laugh...but when she sits down with the INTENT to write and be "funny," she simply can't.  It seems like work, it doesn't come naturally, and it usually ends in frustration.  Yet, when she looks back on her blog, she sees over 600 blog posts, that have all come about organically. 

(She actually turned these posts into a book...and it was a pretty thick one.)

 

It appears for mom, that she makes money when she's not worried about it, and when she's happily letting love flow through her photography and writing.  Not when she's hysterically trying to work on a marketing plan or worry about bringing in an income in order to save us from homelessness.

Taking pictures.  Capturing moments between a mother and her babies, and giving them gift of THAT moment.

Pure individuality.  That's what mom has to give the world.