To see.

When you see someone down a path of self sabatoge, what do you do? In my case, when I see Poms about to fall off the bed, I give her a little nudge. 

Ok, so then mom yells at me, but it's worth it. 

After years of expressing her reflections to a range of different people spanning a multitude of different issues, she has realized that the truth hurts, and most times, people absolutely DO NOT want to hear it.

Mom doesn't either sometimes, to be honest. We all need to reach our own introspection on our own time...and many people just simply aren't ready. And that's ok! So often, we just want to see their pain disappear, but holding on to that pain isn't our choice to make. 

All you can do is lead by example, love freely, and hope they find personal happiness within themselves before this short lifetime comes to and end. 

And also know when it's time to let go. Let go of needing to be right, to prove a point, to win...it's all alienating. 

What will be, will be, and it doesn't mean you have to be around it. You have a choice...

Let people be who they are, accepting them fully...

Sit in a holding pattern, waiting for something to change (when it probably won't)...

Or move on without them. 

Mom thinks it may be time to move on.

But first she will enjoy her kid free breakfast after a week of two very sick babies! Life is pretty darn good. 

The proverbial trash can.

One thing, amongst many others, that mom has learned over the last four years, is to not take things too personally, because everyone and their dog has an opinion.  About EVERYTHING.  

She once saw a quote by her idol, Wayne Dyer (I know, you're getting sick of hearing about the guy), that REALLY stuck with her.

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." Because really, what people think of me is really none of my business! 

Think about that for a second.  

While on the way to nursery this morning, in a full BLOWN thunderstorm, yet another example was put in her path.

I begged to go to nursery, and although I was warned it may be loud and wet outside, I still wanted to go. I was 100% ok with seeing lightening in the flesh, and giddy at the prospect of a new life experience. My first hand account of thunder can be seen here.

I laughed with joy through the empty streets of Budapest, riding my red motorcycle in and out of the muddy puddles. 

Seriously, I had a GOOD time...we giggled and raced all the way there.  Poms, included. 

....

Insert, negativity.

At a stop light, and unassuming older women made a comment in Hungarian. Now, I could translate for mom, but I was too busy having fun.

When mom smiled and said, "Bocsánat nem magyar/sorry no Hungarian," the lady looked disgusted.

Mom realized, in the moment, this lady was using mom as her emotional trash can, trying to dump her smelly, yucky negative judgments into mom's clean bin. Unfortunately, for her, mom's lid was on (mainly because her doesn't understand ANY HUNGARIAN), but IT WAS ON none the less!!

Why do people HATE when other people are having fun???! Well, that's a pretty easy question to answer obviously.  

And then this poor lady was stuck with this steaming trash in HER own can!! And boy, it was steaming. And that's how mom understood through universal body language, that what this lady was saying probably wasn't nice. Either way, it didn't matter.  

Meanwhile, we went on splashing through muddy puddles, laughing and getting completely soaked. So maybe she had a point after all...hummm...

Mom has now decided that her trash can is only officially open when SHE chooses to have business hours, and mom is lazy...so that won't be very often.  

Cheers to CLEAN and EMPTY cans.

Letting go...

So mom, along with most people in the world, struggle with attachment.  Attachment to people, places, ideas, material things...it's everywhere.  And she's discovered that it doesn't do much but bring unhappiness.

After signing the new lease for the apartment in France, mom had a brief moment of COMPLETE sadness to leave this amazingly beautiful apartment...she even shed a few secret tears while on the phone with apu. Shhhh...don't tell him.  This apartment, and Budapest as well, will be remembered fondly, along with many other memories. Although it wasn't mom's "dream place" originally, it was a pretty great dream. Especially THIS apartment. 

Mom and apu brought Pompom home to us in THIS place, mom spent her days alone after apu got his new fancy job on the GIV, where they had friends come over to hang out and eat pancakes and pizza, and where I had dance parties with my friends on the balcony while eating imitation Mexican food. It has the most incredible view of the city, that make all of mom's friends jealous, and it's located in the best spot overlooking the park.

Yikes, that's a tall order, Lyon. And we won't even mention mom's friends specifically, because she may actually lose it completely. 

But that's the thing.  None of this "belongs" to mom, so she has to let it go.  And in that moment of random realization, she discovered how beautiful it is to know everything is TEMPORARY.  To understand that both the GOOD and BAD are moments, and  that they are ALL fleeting. The happiness will pass, as will pain and sadness.  What a cool thing to remember.  So with that mini epiphany for the day, she will once again remember to live in the present moment, jump on every crazy opportunity and mostly to be appreciative of this life...just the way it is...even when it's not perfect.

Oh, Monday.

Monday's never seem to be that great...unless mom gets to drop us off at nursery. 

Today I lost it on the house lady, a little girl at the post office and at the guy at the fruit place. And by lost it, I mean screaming and crying. Unfortunately, mom has no help, so taking us out while we're sick isn't negotiable. Trust me, it's not her idea of a good time. But man,

I don't feel so good. Croup is serious business. 

So, I'll spend the day in my bean bag chair watching movies. 

What a week...

Between a state audit, endless paperwork, ALL DAY photo shoots, high fevers, coughing and cleaning, mom has her work cut out for her lately. The aforementioned fevers and coughing translates to mom's living nightmare...NO NURSERY. 

Ok, this sounds like she doesn't love us, and I can assure you that's not the case. Look at how cute Poms is with her 102 fever! 

One good thing that came out of this week, was a new experience in photographing fashion (and someone with really high expectations). 

She was hired after being told, "I HATED the last professional photographer's pictures. He was devastated since this is his living. So how about Thursday at 10?!"  

Um, suuuuure. Mom was really stressed because no one seems to know she has NO IDEA WHAT SHE IS DOING. 

But, as it turns out, she did pretty ok...and was told she now holds a spot on the creative team of a new shirt line. Whatever that means. 

204.

The number of days Apu has been away out of the last 365. And mom wonders why she's tired. 

Good news is...Poms and I are blissfully unaware! 

Bloodshed

Don't worry!! Nothing bad happened!! Just a funny story!

Mom went to drop us off at nursery last week and encountered the owner, who she runs into on occasion. She has become a good friend of mom's over the last year, and is not one to keep quiet. 

"You need to get a blood test! You look horrible!!!"

"I do?"

"Yes, I will call and make you an appointment, you're just too skinny!"

"Ok, sure."

So mom marched down to the local clinica and paid 50,000ft which is a LOT for Hungary, like $200. She was tested for EVERYTHING.

Come to think of it, she has been slightly tired and not feeling that fantastic overall...

Two days later, the results...

Mom's blood was 150% perfect. Like, NOTHING was out of range. Nothing. 

She just doesn't have time to eat...

Exhibit A...

Eating some Hungarian rice and greenbean surprise (with sour cream, a native must have) on the stairs of nursery (with her hands...a huge faux pas), because she showed up five minutes early to pick up Poms. This my friends, is single motherhood at its finest! 

Meanwhile...

Where in the world is Apu? Gibraltar!  

Fear.

If you really know mom, you know where her heart feels at home. It also happens to be where the latest "terrorist attack" occurred.

(Mom and Apu in Nice when I was riding in mom's tummy.)

As it turns out, mom got the approval email that we got the apartment we wanted in Lyon about two hours after turning on the news.  Hummmm...what to do?

Mom has never been known for being logical, or doing what 98% of the population would.  She ALWAYS has gone the less popular route and taken the risk. And you know what, it has served her pretty well. In fact, she can't think of one risk that didn't have a huge reward.  Was she terrified? Um, TOTALLY.

-Moving to France...
-Going to Moscow in 2009...practically alone...
-Starting a business she knew nothing about...
-Moving to Budapest...
-Marrying Apu...
-Having babies...

She has realized in her 32 years, that being open minded to the world, listening to opposing views, emanating love (even when you don't want to), and mostly TRUSTING YOURSELF are the keys to fully living this life. 

After a barrage of negative messages from a few folks in US (questioning her intelligence and life experience), mom has not changed her views, although she fully respects theirs.

Those who desperately need to instill fear and doubt in others' minds have lost the battle against hate. What a sad state of affairs when anxiety is a daily struggle. No thanks!  

She says that her goal in life is to teach Pompom and I to be ourselves, be open to others, to travel, to listen, to learn and to not live in fear (while still being vigilant). Only then can we be the change we wish to see. 

Also, side note, for everyone ONE asshole who kills innocent people, there are THOUSANDS who help. Doctors, nurses, police (the good ones hopefully), bystanders (black, white, brown, green, rainbow people), taxi drivers, business owners, mothers, fathers, kids and random people across the world who donate money and resources. Why is it that we always choose to ignore that part of the story? Love will always win. It always does. 

Mom has come to accept that 51% (probably more like 99.9%) of people will disagree or not approve of her lifestyle choices, or views of the world...and that's ok!! THIS IS HER LIFE!! And your life is YOURS.

If she spent an ounce of energy on worrying about it, it still wouldn't change their view anyway! Haters gonna hate...as my idol Taylor Swift would say!

So...it's time to pack up and move on to another adventure!! On y va y'all! 

We're back!

I know it's been a few days, but not too much has been going on these days.

Mom was in a funk. Nothing crazy, but between physically being exhausted in general, and hearing about a mom that lost her baby recently, she just didn't feel like taking pictures or doing dictation for me. 

The thing is, she doesn't even know this mom in person, just through friends, but it still hurts all the same. 

Why? Because mom is a mom. From what she says, once you experience having your own baby, you have an instant connection with other parents...mothers specifically. 

You know what it's like to lose sleep and be so exhausted you could literally snooze while taking a shower...

Or how you would do ANYTHING to keep your baby smiling those first few months...like making ridiculous faces or singing Batman songs over and over (here's looking at you Apu).

What it's like to feel so helpless when your child is sick or in pain, that you'd cut your own arm off if it would make things an ounce better...

Or that sinking feeling in your gut when hear another mom lost her baby...for whatever reason. 

Every single mom is a reflection of every other mom. They may parent differently, but they unequivocally love the same.

Moms. They know. They have those fears...and many dads too, namely Apu...who once woke mom up in tears after having a sad dream about me. 

...and although they try so desperately NOT to think those thoughts, they creep in now and again and pull the rug right from under you...because you know people who have had it pulled out from under them. 

So mom decided she's going to extend herself a little more to other moms. Go our of her way to help a stroller up those pesky Budapest stairs, smile or reassure the sweaty mom on the 20-hour flight that she WILL survive, or just smile in general...even to judgey Hungarian nagymamas. 

AND to remember she's lucky. Like, actually lucky. She has US after all!!

Completely crazy. Totally funny. And the absolute best thing that ever happened to her.

Even though we could care less about her picture taking obsession. 

Good question.

Mom's initial response was, "at least 50! Yikes...that's horrible!" 

Poms and I take full credit for that response! 

A new tactic...

Mom basically doesn't try to put us to sleep anymore...

We fall asleep sitting up...

And then fall over...

The past...

Mom never really dwells in the past, because why? It's gone, it can't be changed, and more importantly, it really doesn't matter now.  It's a pretty freeing thing honestly, you should try it. Much less stress...

BUT, she was reflecting recently on her past relationships and how they all led her to where she is today....which is EXACTLY where she wants to be. Seriously, it was worth the wait.

She was looking back at all of her relationships and found that each one taught her some pretty valuable stuff...so here's a throw back to the crazy days.

The names have been changed to protect the identity of these strapping men who made her laugh...and really  appreciative of her current situation.

Young High School Love:  Four years of awkwardness, butterflies, and leaving to study abroad (which led to the ultimate demise of this relationship). Turns out though, getting over our heartbreak and staying friends paid off. Oh, and it turned out that he ultimately preferred boys in the end. 

French Guy 1: Rebound from high school love, which taught mom to slow her enthusiasm and not involve other people in her attempts to mask emotion. Sorry, French Guy 1. But they had pretty good time, mostly mom, who forced poor French guy to drive her around France for two years.

"I'm Technically Separated" Guy:  Mom's first intro to the real world. She wouldn't classify this as heartbreak, but more of a lesson in trusting your gut.  Needless to say, she learned a ton, and she also got pretty decent payback. Not really by intention, but retribution none the less. He was a chronic fib teller, and unfortunately, after 10 years, it's still the case.  Mom also learned it had NOTHING to do with her. But they had fun, and there are no hard feelings.

French Guy 2: Yea, she found another one. This guy was semi insane, but there was NEVER a dull moment.  They traveled and laughed a lot, but that insane part was a little too intense for mom...but he was super rich, which she apparently thought was cool at the age of 22. Mainly, she was just loving the awesome sushi dinners! 

Boat Guy:  Boat Guy was probably the most serious, but mom knew something was off.  He fit her perfect description physically, was a SUPER nice guy, friendly, funny, and successful, but he just didn't "get her."  Because, "I'm Technically Separated" guy taught her to trust her instinct, she did.  She regretted it at first, but then realized how smart she had been! That was a close one! Mom can't deal with no sense of humor...unfortunately, he just thought mom was a sarcastic jerk.

Ex Husband: Yup, mom was married briefly. Briefly, meaning LESS than note worthy, which is probably why you haven't heard about this debacle. He was a really great guy, just not for mom, who ignored her gut and got married because it was convenient and she thought she could grow to love the situation...and maybe him too. That clearly wasn't the case.  He was really mad at her...even up until a year ago or so. Lesson: let things go...it's better for your health.

Hot Headed Business Partner: Yet another rebound from the previous relationship.  Mom didn't learn the first time. She finally grew some self esteem, and realized that being ok alone really is the only way to be...in general.  They parted ways amicably and they still run their business together, despite the SAME issues that caused the doom of their relationship the first place.  Thankfully, 8,000 miles in between help.

Current Dude:  Well, he's been around forever.  Little did she know that 10 years of friendship would result in two kids and enough airplane rides around the world to make anyone go crazy. They actually met through High School Rave Guy and French Guy 1...in 2006.  So yea, Current Dude knows EVERYTHING, which is pretty cool, and he still loves mom for it.

Then there were the short in-between "relationships" that now make mom laugh out loud when she talks about them. She'll just list off some names and brief descriptions...

- The Alcoholic Navy Seal. Needless to say, mom caught on after seeing him steal a half empty drink while out and dinner with friends. Yikes.  Who does that?

- The "I'm going to get another girl's number right in front of your face" guy.  He's still single, shockingly.

- SNORE. Mom just couldn't deal with his nasal passage long term.

- 23.  Mom was just bored. But he made her laugh, and not because he was funny.

- 21.  He was SO nice and SO innocent. Like, mom felt so bad for ever even talking to the poor sap...

Mom had a LOT of fun between the ages of 17 and 29. But she says we are a whole different kind of fun!